WELCOME AND GOOD FOR YOU
Thank you for expressing an interest in becoming a real life, physical client.
Our services are not right for everyone but that's OK. If you think your pampered pet is the kind that deserves nothing but the best, hands on, kid glove, PERSONAL attention, then you should enter your information in the GO HERE NOW button and Christina will set you up for a low risk, test drive, initial evaluation and SPA visit for only $1
Initial interview and evaluation visit
Plus One SPA DAY
For only $1 down
(Valued at $320)
And ONLY if you are completely satisfied,
$65/month membership until you cancel
otherwise keep reading:
My name is Dr. Albert Nelmapius.
Thank you for stopping by and for considering us worthy of your consideration. I would like to have a long chat with you about that. We hope to exceed your expectations
You are about to make one of the most important decisions of your life regarding the healthcare of your pet
Please allow me to help you with that big decision.
We believe that your pets and ours, are actual members of our families and
deserve the same royal level of attention to detail
as if the President went to the Walter Reed National Medical Center or if a celebrity like Elizabeth Taylor or Princes Kate went to the Cleveland Clinic or the Mayo Clinic.
OK, I am not saying we have the worlds most advanced equipment like them, or we have a staff of over 200 specialists like them, but what I can say is that we will pay closer attention to your needs and we will be there to hold your hand the whole way.
We are a “Go The Extra Mile” kinda clinic, but in exchange we
expect our pet owners to also be willing to go out of their way for pet care when needed.
If you are not a “go the extra mile” kinda pet owner, you probably won’t like it here as a physical "come to the clinic" kinda client.
Of course there's nothing wrong with that, if you do not want us to be your physical doctor facility, we welcome anybody and everybody to remain as a close friend as a VIRTUAL client online, for as long as you wish from anywhere in the world!
The majority of our clients comment about how they appreciate the brutal honest truth from us, and find me and my staff exceptionally helpful and extremely friendly. Many clients have been coming here for 20 or even 25 years and their appreciative testimonials are available here or online. But I can be a stern authoritarian when needed.
If you think you would qualify as such a client, we want YOU to have a LOW RISK opportunity
to come test us out
and find out if all that we claim is true or not.
Consider this to be our first date, you get a chance to know us a little better – warts and all, and see if you want to give us another chance!
But remember, we are not at all interested in one- night -stands and short term relationships. We want to keep our qualified new friends for years and years, even generations, and we want to make it easy for you to like and trust us too.
Not only do we want your first experience to be memorable for both you and your pet, but we want to ensure that you get the highest benefit from having a personal physician and attentive staff taking care of your every veterinary AND pet pampering need.
Let me tell you a story I heard long ago.
Read it carefully because after you are finished you will understand far better what I mean, and you will be able to choose more intelligently from the options I will give you, OK?
Many, many years ago, there was an old farmer that owned a magnificent horse.
He’d found it as an abandoned young foal and hand-fed and personally raised and trained it all its life. It was a thoroughbred and it was shiny, beautiful, fit and exceptionally healthy. But besides the outward appearances, he also knew this horse was loyal to the death to its owners, and trustworthy and gentle even with the youngest of children.
He knew that because of circumstances,he had to sell this horse to an equally deserving new owner. He knew that there were several other horses for sale in town. Some of them very good horses, some of them not so good, but at a much lower price. But he knew above all else that his horse would make somebody exceptionally happy.
In this same town also lived a noble lady, who happened to be looking for a horse for her daughter to ride. So, she called several horse traders in town. Some of them said she had to buy their horses because they were going for only 200 pieces of silver when the average asking price for a horse was about 400 pieces of silver. The lady listened but remembered from her childhood some bad experiences and injuries she suffered from badly behaved or poorly trained horses her parents had in their stables. She was confused.
Then she went to a famous horse auction and sure enough, most horses were selling for 350 to 400 pieces of silver. But nobody knew them well and nobody could vouch for their health and after the sale the auctioneer would leave and the sale would be final. Everybody was important and running around and busy. Nobody had time to sit with her and answer questions. She was even more confused and even a little scared to make a decision.
Then she heard through the grapevine, of the old farmer and his horse. She went to talk to him.
After he served her a cup of tea, and he asked her many questions about her intent for the horse, this is what he offered. “Mrs. Noble Lady” he said, “I know I have a great horse and I know it is worth far more than the 500 pieces of silver I am asking for it. But you on the other hand do not know me or know this about my horse. You deserve some reassurance before you make your decision.
Because it is important to me that both you and I are happy with this purchase, and my horse is happy with his new surroundings, here is what I will do for you:
Next Monday, I will bring my horse to your stables. I will bring along four weeks’ worth of food. I will put him up in a stall and come every day to feed him. Twice a day I will send my son over to come clean the stall and brush the horse.
All you must do, is provide the housing, protection from thieves and wild animals and safe paddocks, and as often as you like, your daughter can ride the horse.
After four weeks, I will come by and see you again. If you feel at that time that this horse is the best horse for your daughter, you will give me 500 pieces of silver and you will keep the horse for as long as you want. If, as long as I live, you have any problems with this horse, you can call me and I’ll be there to help you.
If for whatever reason, you don’t feel this horse is worth that, I’ll take back the horse, clean the stall and we’ll part as trusted friends. You will owe me nothing.”
What d’ya think happened? If you were offered this wouldn’t’ you choose to at least try out the old man’s offer? What could you possibly lose?
And what do you think could have happened if the lady never met this old farmer and took him up on his offer?
Get the moral of my story?
Every day, week after week, my staff get phone calls asking us about the price of a spay, or an ear crop surgery, or a vaccination, or a prescription refill, or many other things.
Can you not see in hindsight, by making your buying decisions on the one question asked about price alone, how ignorant it now seems? How terrible a decision you expose yourself to making?
And the same applies to us. If the only reason you choose to use or not use a veterinarian is the price they charge, without knowing what you get in exchange, then you will get what you pay for and do not deserve our ”horse!”
The trust and relationship we want our clients and our patients to have with us, needs to last for many years through thick and thin, and to us that is priceless. Is it to you?
Don’t get me wrong, proper, thorough and appropriate medical care is a little more expensive than discount clinics and “rush them through” multi doctor practices, but you know the saying
“If you think an education is expensive, …. Try ignorance”
The level of preventative care, the early detection or avoidance of injury or disease is by far more valuable than a few dollars. Unless of course, you have one of those “disposable” horses that you just turn into dog food when they get sick, and then go buy another disposable animal. Sooner or later there will be an emergency or a cancer or diabetes and you will have to pay the piper.
When that happens or preferably many years before that happens, would you not like to build up trust and confidence in a team that will go to bat for your horse or your pet? That you can call anytime, that you can lean on for advice you can trust? That will watch over you and call to check on you and your pet and will remind you when things are due? That will tell you what to do and what not to do, even if it offends you? Straight up! What price can you put on having a personal physician at your beck and call, who knows you and your pets inside out, to be there with you, through thick and thin?
Even so, we respect your rights and understand our obligation to earn your trust before you become a totally committed and dearly beloved client.
We are NOT trying to sell our services to anybody and everybody, and we respect the same due diligence from you. And if at any time during our future relationship you feel you are getting a less than excellent deal, our door is open to discussion. NEVER will we do anything without your consent, without telling you why we think it is important and giving you a quote (unless we have to make a snap decision during an emergency). If you feel anything was done in an untoward manner, we will refund you, no questions asked.
Only AFTER you get to know and trust us will we expect you to unconditionally believe what we suggest. That is why I am taking the trouble to write you this letter.
That is why we have gone to such great lengths to create the equivalent of the old man’s “four week probation period” to give you a better chance to make the best decision for you!
Now do you believe me why you had to read this story before you heard what I had to offer?
Albert H Nelmapius D.V.M.
Now just imagine you and YOUR PET not only getting the benefit of such a great introductory offer,
but also, getting the Royal Rock Star treatment forever!
So here is a little more information about the “horse” I want you to buy:
- We make the best diagnosis we can before we treat, don’t expect to just get pills and a phone call…. our patient, your pet, deserves better
- We limit the number of clients we admit, so that we can be more thorough and spend more time with your pet. Most appointments are 30 to 40 minutes, always the same doctor, the same staff.
- You must purchase your prescriptions from us, we cannot vouch for medicine bought and stored elsewhere, but we stand behind everything we sell or do
- You must have respect for the appointment slots reserved for you. Do not be as discourteous as to not show up or to not ask to be rescheduled if an emergency comes up. We will show the same courtesy to go to great lengths to find you a convenient slot when you need us
- You MUST commit to four times a year luxury Health SPA visits and technician exams:
- Full body massages
- Hydro-surge massage bath, nails ears
- Heated towels
- “White noise” soothing waterfall sounds in their cabana while they get their nap
- A brisk walk and a gourmet treat
- During these SPA visits, without your pet even knowing, we will do our required medical procedures unbeknownst to them.
**** The truth is, once a year visits and year-round prescription heartworm preventative is nothing but a bare skeleton of a medical plan. That is the equivalent of sending your child to a doctor every SEVEN YEARS. If you get educated a little more you will see that twice a year for young pets and four times per year visits for older pets make far more sense!
Now that you have learned a little about me and our standards, if you have not already done so:
Call right away and choose our introductory evaluation audit
Bring your pet to come meet us, bring a list of your toughest questions and be prepared to drop your VIP pet of for
a day of HEAVENLY PAMPERING!
FOR ONLY $1 that’s all!!!
IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT 7 DAYS
Includes a FULL SPA DAY,
24 Point Physical exam
PLUS: A thorough preventative HEALTH AUDIT
And THREE Free Reports
(Actual Value $320)
If, after this meeting, AND your pet’s SPA DAY, either of us feels this relationship will not work, that what we offer is not worth WAY more than what we ask, you can leave of your free will, no hard feelings.
You will owe us nothing more,
we part as friends and you may leave on good terms, no pressure, no questions asked!
We will even let you keep the Three Educational Reports as a reward for your time:
If, at this stage we have not totally wowed you, impressed you and knocked your socks off, please tell us what else to do, seriously we are going to go the extra mile to earn your trust BECAUSE:
After today, we want to ask you for your pet’s hand in MARRIAGE!
You know…. that forever after thing! Better or worse, through sickness and health- till death do us part thing…!
and ONLY after you have had a thorough chance to see us in action hear our recommendations and have all your questions answered, will you receive an invitation to become a valued member of our
SILVER Health Spa Preventative plan
Your credit card will immediately be charged $65 per month for this privilege
until or unless you tell us to stop.
Of course, you can stop anytime you wish
We will even honor a THREE-MONTH money back guarantee
IF during the first three months you are not 110% satisfied you can get your previous membership money back, no questions asked!
AND YOU MAY KEEP ALL THE GIFTS
If you choose to discontinue after three months, you just must call us before your next visit and we will cancel the future charges
As long as you remain a paid-up member, you do not have to pay anything else for your pet’s routine quarterly Health and SPA visits,vaccinations or for their prescription heartworm prevention and flea control ever again. Of course you will have to pay for other diagnostics and medications and procedures we agree on if your pet gets sick.
ONE FREE EMERGENCY EXAMINATION per year with us
Please don’t say it out loud but if your pet ever falls out of love with us, you need only advise us before the next month’s charges are run. It will break our hearts and we want our special friends forever but you know… if you must, you can change your mind
WE SO TOTALLY BELIEVE THAT FOR YOUR FRIENDS TO GET THE MAXIMUM BENEFIT, THEY NEED THIS HIGHER PAMPERING EXPERIENCE AND WE TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOUR PET DESERVES REGULAR PREVENTATIVE EXAMINATIONS AND SCREENINGS
FOUR TIMES A YEAR WITH A SPA VISIT
Keep up this level of SILVER membership forever for an optimum preventative health plan
at a reasonable price.
WE STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU FURTHER PROTECT YOURSELF WITH
PET INSURANCE COVERAGE FOR CATASTROPHIC ILLNESS
Remember we limit the number of new clients we admit and the number of members admitted to each level, to maintain our high standards, so act fast, first come first serve, after that the special offer expires and there is a waiting list.
ONLY - SIX (6) -MORE SPACES AVAILABLE THIS MONTH-
If you have questions call
(813) 988 8880
and ask Christina to send you on the Mother of All Offers invitation.
We have higher levels of memberships by invitation only, please ask at your introductory appointment
About Our SPA VISITS …
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, a limousine picks you up and takes you to the Spa. At the door, an attendant meets you with a heated bathrobe and escorts you to your private cabana for a nap. The air is filled with pleasant smells and in the background, are soothing white noises like sea waves crashing or forest rain. After your nap, you are given a gourmet treat and go for a brisk morning walk.
On your return, you are given a full body massage and manicure and pedicure. You get to experience the pleasures of an invigorating, luxurious "Hydro Surge", deep massaging bath. You might as well be bathing under an exotic island waterfall… only this water is nicely heated.
After a refreshing heated towel dry and a little grooming, you now go back to your cabana for a small gourmet lunch, freshly prepared by our private chef. Now without you realizing it, this whole time, you received three thorough head to toe physical exams, by the doctor, by the nurse and by the masseuse. You had your blood pressure taken, an EKG performed, your eyes tested for glaucoma, urine and fecal samples tested and any vaccinations/medication administered, all while you remain oblivious to the facts and you can enjoy your little slice of heaven in peace, stress free.
THAT IS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ONE OF OUR MEMBERS.
Albert H. Nelmapius